Saturday, June 26, 2010

What Fresh Hell, Day 67 of Gulf Oil Blues

This is a long post if it gets boring I’m sure you will bail. (Don’t blame you either) To bad the Turtles can’t.

This oil gush is like Gaia saying “You have been pulling my carbon product out of my veins for over 100 years. You want it here it is, MotherF*****s.”

Another view holds seeing this spill as Mother Gaia’s tongue, (soon to be bifurcated), reaching out and saying “I’m thirsty and need to replenish the carbon that has been sucked from my body. I am taking all the sea life in the Gulfo de Mexico and bringing down to form new oil for the future. That marsh grass looks like a nice salad.”

(What is the relief well turns out to be a fuck up like the first one?)

Art class

Not class art.

This here photograph is of a decal on the table top in a bar on Siesta Key, Florida, represents the state of Florida.

The legs are the Keys.

The boobs are the Plastic Fantastic’s in Tallahassee.

The blue V shows where the Disney Pussies all live.

That cute tush is Boca Raton, Palm Beach, Fort Lauderdale, Miami and Key Biscayne.

The Red Hair is God’s Country.

So you see that brown flow to the left that’s the oil.

It is coming.

It is coming.

And there ain’t a damn thing Fox News, BP, or Joe Barton, Or Sarah Or Dickey C can do to stop it for showing up on the beaches of this beautiful state.

See that swirl to the right of the representation of the State of Florida, by the out of touch sexist pig photographer who is leading this class? Hum? That is the next big hurricane that Mother Gaia says “get it together, these dip sticks don’t remember Andrew, or Katrina, Or Ike. Let’s Boogie Back to Texas. Show the Oil Fuckers, what’s what.”

Ok, ok, I made that up. Moving on.

Let’s talk about the Turtles for a bit. That loop current that is to keep the oil off the beaches of Big Bend, Central and South Florida, yeah that one. That makes everybody feel good ‘round here, ‘cause ‘hit’ll take that oil down ‘round the Keys’ , hell might even do some damage to Cuba, ya know those commie bastards and then up the Atlantic coast to the North Atlantic and the British bastards that caused all this shit. Cool.

Where was I? Oh yeah thinking ‘bout the Turtles, not that damn English band, but the real Deal: Sea Turtles Found in Florida.

Green Turtle

Named for the color of its body fat, this turtle is listed as endangered in Florida. Most green turtles nest in the Caribbean, but up to 2000 nests can be found in Florida each year. For centuries, green turtles were hunted for their meat that was made into soup. Hunting and egg gathering greatly reduced their number. Green turtles graze on the vast beds of sea grasses found throughout the tropics and are the only sea turtles that eat plants. Some travel over a thousand miles to nest on islands in the mid-Atlantic.

Hawksbill Turtle

This turtle is a relatively small turtle, and has been hunted to the brink of extinction for its beautiful shell. Once relatively common in Florida, these turtles now rarely nest here. They feed on sponges and other invertebrates and tend to nest on small, isolated beaches.

Leatherback Turtle

This endangered turtle is the largest and most active of the sea turtles. Up to eight feet in length, these huge turtles have a rubbery dark shell marked by seven narrow ridges that run the length of their back. Many travel thousands of miles and dive thousands of feet deep. They also venture into much colder water than any other sea turtle. These turtles feed on jellyfish and soft-bodied animals that would appear to provide very little nutrition for such huge animals. Ingestion of plastic bags and egg collecting are reasons for mortality and population declines. About 200 leatherback nests are recorded in Florida each year.

Kemp's Ridley

The rarest and smallest of all the sea turtles, this endangered turtle feeds in the coastal waters of Florida on blue crabs, other crabs and shrimp. They nest on a single stretch of beach on the Gulf Coast of Mexico.

Loggerhead Turtle

This is the most common sea turtle in Florida. It is classified as a threatened, but not endangered species. Named because of its large head, which can be ten inches wide, it has powerful jaws used to crush the clams, crabs and encrusting animals on which it feeds. As many as 68,000 loggerhead nests have been found in Florida each year.

Turtle trivia

Florida beaches are home to 80% of Loggerhead turtles in the U.S.

Turtles can migrate thousands of miles, but usually return to lay their eggs on the same beach where they hatched.

Sea turtles have existed for over one hundred million years.

It can take 15 - 50 years before a sea turtle is capable of reproducing.

Scientists estimate that only 1 in 1000 to 10,000 babies will survive to adulthood.

Sea turtles live their entire life in the ocean. The only time they come ashore is when the female lays her eggs.

Sea turtles are reptiles. They breathe air, and can hold their breath for long periods of time.

When its time to sleep, a loggerhead will wedge under a rock close to the shore, or take a snooze while floating on the surface of deep water.

Hatchlings weigh less than one ounce and are only two inches long. Adults can grow over 3 feet long and weigh 200 to 300 pounds!

The nest temperature during incubation determines a sea turtle's sex. Boys like it cool - Girls like it hot.

Sea turtles have great underwater vision, but are nearsighted out of the water.

Although sea turtles do not have external ears, they are capable of hearing low frequency sounds and vibrations.

Sea turtles use their strong jaws to crush a diet of crabs, shrimp, mussels, and jelly fish.

These turtles in their own way tend to float on the Seaweed that gets caught up in the Loop Current, upon Sargassum Seaweed.

Sargassum, also known as "gulfweed", is a brown algae with an air bladder that allows it to float like a thick blanket on the surface of the water. This seaweed community supports a diverse ecosystem. Floating lines of sargassum provide critical habitat for a wide variety of sea life, including dolphin fish (also called mahi mahi), juvenile sea turtles, and seabirds. Some fish, crabs, shrimp-like creatures and sea slugs float with it and live off it. Pools of fish gather beneath it to catch some of the shade it provides. Sargassum is present in the Gulf of Mexico all year, but is more plentiful in warm weather. Winds and currents typically cause Sargassum to wash up on the beach beginning in May. When it begins to decompose in the sun it can look and smell unpleasant. Sargassum, however, is also an important part of the beach ecosystem. During high tides, it is pushed back to the dunes where it dries and decomposes, providing a base for other plant life and helping trap blowing sand to build dunes.

Art is used to teach about turtles, and chang the focus, just like a politician.

The joke has always been they pull their heads in and wait out the danger.

Don't think it will work this time.

Oh, I was talking about the turtles, but it works for DC suckups as well.


  1. This just left me speechless. A rare condition for me, I know. Nothing else need be said. A beautiful post that makes me homesick. I hope there is a home to return to later.

  2. Dude, I'm hoping for a hurricane so big this year it blows a glob of tar right onto the windshield of that SUV driving Confederate Dipstick up at the BP station by Jaded's house.

    Great analogy for the state of Florida. I paid attention all the way until you got to the turtles. Burning Turtles make me sad. Losing coral reefs to petroleum byproducts makes me sad, too. All I have to say about it is: Revoke BPs charter

  3. Addition to my comment...what I should have also said:

    Your post was a reflection of a sadness that has built up me for a week or two now. I wake up in the middle of the night overcome by it. A foreboding that won't go away.

    I have been at night to watch the turtles (not sure which species) come lay their eggs, and now they may be laying them in shit. Maybe it's time for the human race to be gone. Don't know.

  4. First off. I had a problem loading this post, so i have to thank you for being patient.

    JadedJ...It still is a state with real beauty remaining.
    PENolan...chuckle, I'm right there singing in the chior. I know what you mean about the turtles. It is very hard to read something so sad and not be able to do anything. We will never know how many sank away from the shore. They nest on the Island where I work, and they are coming in right now. Most likely we had a few new nests last night.
    The telling will be this time next year.
    JadedJ...It is very humbling to watch a creature from the sea come back to a place they were born, after swimming around the world's oceans since before you were born, and lay the eggs for the next generation. I recently heard of a rich fucker, who happened, in this case to be a woman, who had a reputation for yelling at people to stop walking on 'her Beach'. Finally the cops stop answering complaints. This past week she pulled up the stakes around a turtle nest and racked over the nest.
    Her Rich ASS is in jail. Well maybe by now she has made bail. We take turtles seriously in this state. Even that goddamn gopher.

  5. Ditto to all, and I read it all. But two things struck me... boys like it cool and girls like it hot! Sounds like a species-wide condition to me. And what the hell do you have against gophers?

    Great post Punch. Keep it up. Oh... loved the photo and the analogy.

  6. Do us a favor and ban this DM asshole.

  7. Mr. Charleston...thanks for the encourgement. know what you mean about the species-wide condition. The gopher thing is a throw back to my dad, they loved to eat his day lilies.
    Intelli...that is nice to hear. I read today that Kemp's Ridley turtles, the most endangered, are being burned by BP in the gulf. With care. If the body is missing they will not have to pay the fine. Damn it all to hell.

  8. this was a great analogy and a thoughtful post; your sadness is woven throughout, and your sensitive attention to the turtles is quite touching. Knowing about them and how they live and breathe brings this horror to the place where it hits the hardest: particular lives.

  9. Harlequin...your comments are always so very kind and insightful.


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email, love being alive, the alterntiative has lousy hours, liberal and don't care if you give me cracked corn.