Sunday, July 18, 2010

What Fresh Hell? Padro and Tire salespeople

This post is a mishmash.
First - a bitch. Crashed my desktop, but we've all been there. It will be back.
Second - I was over to Banquet of Consequences Too and discovered that JadedJ did not fully understand the meaning of 'graphic' or so he said. So it seems to be ok to rip him off. I could be wrong on that, but we'll see. I like his inspiration, and have for a while, hell it's even in my banner. His subject seemed so lonely, maybe worried about who will pay for the party and all that Merlot. Maybe he should pass that empty plate 'round.
The trinity is kinda spookie, if you ask me.

So there, I am on a quite weekday evening, in my skivies, watching porn, and cussin' at the tv news, when there is a knock at the door. Someone rapping gently tapping, at my wooden door. Yeah well, Like a Chump I answered. (Words of the Rev. Punch in red)
A couple that looked like christians, one could tell by the books they carried, stood there.
She asked if I know the lord's prayer. (yes)
She began to read it. (I know it well)
Do you know of the kingdom of god? (yes)
where is it? (here, placed my hand over my heart, like i was pledging allegiance to the flag)
she then went to the old testament and began to read. (I practiced my breathing, thought of the nakked ladies on my computer screen, and what the hell's goin' on in the Gulf)
she asked about the government, was it the best we can have? (yes, this is the greatest form of government on the planet)
what about the kingdom of god? (it is here on earth)
do you think jesus is coming back? (i did not tell her that he went into business with Padro and they sell tires down on 14th street, ya know, where the girls hang out, well, when the cops ain't 'round, 'n stuff, Nope (what i did said was NO! come on now. think about it, as we speak he is sitin' on the couch arguin' with his ol' man 'bout coming back. talk goes something like 'give me a break' look at those chumps, killin' and hatin' in the your name, and stuff.' (i then said if the muslims, jews and christians, ya know, the ones that pray to the god of abraham were taken off the face of earth we would do quite well thank you. (i saw her eyes glaze over, he stepped back))))
she then said 'it was nice talking with you and they left. (dang, i was just getting to the good part, phooey)

It is now sunday morning and no one is knockin' on my door.
See I wasn't kidding about Pedro.


  1. Uh, SFB, what I inferred in response to your comment was that the appearance of Jesus at the table on my blog was miraculous. See? Nada about not knowing WHAT a graphic is. Jesus!

    BTW, my lawyers will be on top of this wanton theft of my GRAPHIC...once they resolve the da Vinci issue thingy, with the pope.

    Now as to the Rev Punch and the Church of the Open Door, aka, C.O.D. (incidentally, if y'all receive anything marked C.O.D. in the mail, contact the Rev Punch, he will take care of it). I would like to know, is it germane to the story that we have to have this vision of the Rev in his skivvies, doing what revs do best on their computers, interrupted, no doubt, but...?

    Oh, and btw, I could be wrong, but I am thinking that those porny types, most likely...probably...don't smell so good in real time. Know what I mean? Fantasy is a wondrous thing, isn't it?

    I hope your mama told you to always wear clean drawers every day...just in case the Jehovah Witless ever come knocking. At any rate, my main question has to do with said drawers. Did not the Christian looking people with the black books, get a clue when you opened the door, as to who they might be dealing with? Or, perhaps their manual deals with this probably common scenario..."do not provoke little man in dirty drawers who has a shit-eating grin"...something like that.

    I feel that I should be the one to tell you, have a Do-Not-Pass-Go, go directly to hell Beelzebubcard...with oak leaf clusters, methinks.

    What brands of tires do they carry? FireNbrimStones? B.F. Goodgods? Just wondering.

  2. Thank you for you thoughtful comments.
    First I'm afraid you have me at an advantage, as I'm not sure what SFB stands for, if you could fill me in.
    Second, about the miraculous appearance, Oh.
    One note of caution, some joke setups can best have the punch line (no pun) delivered with body english. the double take so to speak (ahem) turn, look at the post, and point to the 'mircale'. I will attempt to read all of your comments as TIC, and look for a double take, so to speak. (tongue in cheek)
    Third, being as it was a miracle, and I, for one, believe that is was, then your lawyers may kiss my ass. A second miracle in the making, and all through your post. The lord has plans for you, good sir.
    Fourth, the germane skivvies part, yes.
    Fifth, that olfactory stuff really applies to the girls on 14th street, just down from Padro's place.
    Sixth, my skivvies are always fresh and clean.
    Seventh, It is a silver oak leaf cluster, next to a silver star, with Valor. Don't think it's gonna help much with the big Kuhuna.
    Seventh, FireNBrimStones retreads.

  3. You know, I hadn't noticed the grim reapers in the graphic over at Jaded's.

  4. uh oh.
    It must be another miracle,
    are you sure your not...nah.

  5. Me? Just some broad over at the tire store

  6. (S)hit (F)or (B)rains

    Tricia...thank you.

    Numero seventh the first: Understatement.

  7. So one is to assume the bible totin' utes didn't believe the part about Jesus selling tires? Could it be it was because you came to the door in your skivvies? A fat old man in his skivvies isn't exactly a confidence inspiring sight you know. Particularly with your barn door open, exposing that little Volkswagen with two flat tires. Perhaps had you donned more professorial attire you might have convinced them. After all, image is everything.

  8. PENo...Pedro does speak well of you. I still think it is a miracle.
    jadedJ...solid elimination in lieu of cranium content. much better wording.
    Mr. assume I wanted to convince them. I mearly wanted to sound to them like they sound to me. Ya know, I have all the answers and you are less than bright.

  9. Them sound like corporate repuke words to me. What the hell does that mean, boy? Solid elimination? What's wrong with shit?

    Damnation, you need to get yourself a damn dawg, Roy. Living alone and like that there, and all. Teach it to bite those fuckers who show up at your door when you're watching a video and stuff...especially if there carrrying black books.

    Hell, I knew a good ol boy one time had a blue tick...he taught that dawg how to do the laundry, and especially his drawers. See what I mean? Now some dawgs, like pitt bulls...will EAT your damned underwear...and you in them, if they get the chance. But a blue tick, no way. Hell, I've never even seen a blue tick, dig up cat turds and eat em, like most dawgs. Just saying, pardner.

  10. I thought you'd see the light...being impressionable and all.

  11. :D This is the first time I saw a piece the climax of which lay in a picture!

    I see thet you are a master of Parenthesis Fu too! :D

  12. Mona...Thanks for commenting, that is good to hear. Yes, paren's can be your friends, sometimes.

  13. post was funny ... there is something about internal dialogue.
    and I laughed out loud at Mr.C.'s volkswagon with the two flat tires... ha ha, hee hee hoo hoo

    I have a good friend at my workplace who had a sure fire way to finish conversations with just about any religious come on, as long as the persuader was a male or two males. My friend, who is gay, stares longingly at the agent provocateur and then says, ( at an important moment....timing is everything, of course) " Wait!! if this isn't ending with a proposition for sex, I'm not interested"

    apparently, it works for him every time.

    nice post and fun comments.

  14. Harlequin...your comments alway bring a serenity. With your advice, I can hardly wait for the next prayer meeting, on my front stoop.
    Oh, BTW, I had managed to whistle right past Mr. C's VW, now I have an image in my head that will haunt me for the weekend. Thanks Harli, seems that Serenity did not last quite as long as I had hoped.


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email, love being alive, the alterntiative has lousy hours, liberal and don't care if you give me cracked corn.